In the Northern Hemisphere, December sees us hurtling in the deep dark toward the hope of returning light. We find ourselves shuffling through our days, trudging through obligatory rituals devoid of meaning, yet rife with commercialism and, for many, despair. The holidays can be a very difficult time, whether we love Christmas or not. If we’ve lost loved ones, the holidays can be extra hard; the season tends to amplify and reflect back to us what the past year has brought or taken away, and along with it, the ghosts of holidays past, for good or ill. Re-inventing the holidays for oneself as an adult is a little bit like re-inventing the wheel. Usually by the time we are grown ups and have figured out there is no Santa Claus, the holidays are so weighed down with family and other emotional baggage, that our holiday spirits are heavier than the lumps of coal in our stockings. As we get older and family relationships shift, so too do our spiritual lives. We may question the traditions we once participated in, and so December can be fraught with confusion. Where has the holiday spirit gone? Yet it is up to us to make our holidays into holy days, to return the sacred to the season. My own situation is that I’m an adult with no family of my own, save for my two fur-children. My mother passed away over 7 years ago, and my father is seriously ill with advanced Alzheimer’s disease. I was raised Catholic and still celebrate Christmas, but my spiritual leanings are far more pagan as the years pass. All these things mean I have to continually re-adjust and re-affirm my love for the season in my own way. I have come to see that seeking what is meaningful to me during the holiday season is a form of extreme self-care. Let’s step away from the things media and culture would like us to value above all (spending money), and look at what we *want* from the season. For myself, I know I would like to experience: Presence, Gratitude and Magick. Presence If the holidays are not all about presents, then they are about presence. For many of us, this is the only time all year where we’re allowed a little extra time off to be with our families. Yet how much of that is spent in a frenzied rush to get to the next party or beat the rush on that final sale? We have a choice how we spend our time this year, and if we choose to spend time with our families, we need to be present. How about taking a family walk? One Thanksgiving a few years ago, my family and I did this, even though it was pouring rain. We all went out with borrowed umbrellas and it was so windy that mine blew inside out. I confessed to my family that I actually have an irrational fear of umbrellas for that very reason! And we all had a good laugh. Engaging your loved ones in conversations about their favorite memories from holidays past is a fun way to stay present as well. You’ll find that even the kids’ memories don’t revolve around the presents they received, but rather the experiences shared. At your next event or gathering, really show up, remembering to bring *yourself* to the table. Gratitude I once heard Bette Midler tell a story about how, every Christmas, her family exchanges names and each person writes a love letter of gratitude to the person whose name they chose. Last year, short on moolah but finding myself rich with gratitude, I decided to write everyone in my family one of these letters. Now, I know what you’re thinking -- and there are some people in my family that drive me nuts, too! But the truth is, there is rarely a person around for whom I can’t find some reason to be grateful. As I sat in my bed writing my gratitude letters, tears filled my eyes and I saw what a gift my family is to me. It was a process of giving appreciation and also of receiving the bounty that each person continually gives me. That was my own Christmas gift. Magick Even if we have moved away from the spiritual traditions of our first families, there are often rituals or traditions from our childhoods that we enjoy and wish to maintain. It is entirely possible to embrace your new traditions and ideas and co-mingle them with the richly storied traditions of your upbringing. Perhaps you don’t go to Midnight Mass anymore on Christmas Eve, but you still like having a little “snack buffet” (a variation on réveillon, a French traditional post-Midnight Mass meal for the adults) that evening. Light a dozen candles, play some meaningful music, and lay out your favorite foods. Laugh and enjoy the adult company (the kiddies are in bed because they can’t be awake when Santa arrives, or they won’t get presents). My favorite tradition is decorating the tree. It is an all-day affair, complete with hot chocolate, carefully chosen Christmas carols and perhaps a little It’s A Wonderful Life on tv, and putting up the lights, decorations, stockings. Since I live alone, the tree is just for me, but I have come to see the tree and the lights as a vital bit of self-care for my holiday spirit. And that is my point: By taking a little time out of your busy life *right now* to consider what traditions, rituals and holiday trimmings you really, deep-in-your-heart love, you can plan your holidays around observing them. Got holiday plans that just don’t sing to your spirit? You don’t have to do them, you know. Step off the merry-go-round of holiday madness once and for all. You deserve to celebrate the season in your own way.  Sara is a goddess, superhero and mystic. As a writer and artist she considers herself a Truth Warrior and Word Shamaness and carries out these sacred duties on her blog, http://soulspackle.com. Wherever she is, there is lots of barefoot dancing and cat hair. Cat hair = love. Find Sara on Facebook, twitter, G+ CommentsI love the idea of writing people love letters as a way of being grateful and of connecting more closely during a time that seems specially set aside for that. I've been "meaning" to start writing more letters for a couple of years now; maybe this could be a new tradition for me. 14/12/2011 01:55
Yes it is so important to return to the core of holidays, focusing on being present, gratitude and the magic. If I watch my children's eyes filled with excitement and joy as they wrap themselves in christmas lights (as they did yesterday) I am quickly reminded of the beauty that's inside us all. Leave a Reply | 
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